Isn’t it weird that as humans we like to think that we have any sort of control over who we attract as romantic partners? Sure you can dye your hair a certain color, dress a certain way, be more lady-like, more soft spoken, less stern when you talk or you can be the life of the party, then turn around and do it all like housewife? You can be this, you can be that but at the end of the day none of it matters because the only thing you truly are is yourself.
I used to believe that I could fit into these molds of perfection my partners set up for me. The perfect body, pretty face, the charming personality, kindness, selflessness, etc and somehow they still left. It still didn’t workout and I was still left wondering why it never worked out. I couldn’t figure out why in the world my relationships weren’t working out if i was doing anything and everything that was necessary to keep it afloat. If I was everything I thought I should be, why was i still being left behind feeling imperfect? Why were people finding flaws in me they had to tolerate and make me leave behind?
I wish I could say I learned this lesson the first time. Shit! Even the second or third would’ve been nice but it’s taken a lot of years, tears, failed relationships and endless disappointments to realize that there is nothing I need to be that I’m already not. Let me break it down for you guys…. I used to try really hard to impress people only to raise the expectations people had on who I was supposed to be. Until one day (rather recently) I decided that simply being myself was enough. Being me has attracted and started the perfect relationships, friendships, business partnerships, life friends and situations that are best suit for me and the way I am. I don’t mean perfect as in there’s never any flaws or things never go wrong. But perfect because at the end of it all they’re real. The people in my life all expect me to be me and are never surprised or unprepared to receive me as I truly am because this is who I’ve been all along. Through my journey I realized that I could fool someone into thinking I was everything they wanted me to be but at the end of the day — true colors always show. You can fool some people sometimes, but you can’t fool everyone all the time.
I’m honest. I’m real. I’m crystal clear with my intentions, expectations and necessities.
To some people it seems extreme and intimidating at first but the people who are turned off by that are the same people who have no business being a part of my life. Long gone are the days of me trying to fit someone’s idea of perfection. That’s for love, life and friendship. Take me as I am or don’t take me at all!
You might be too much for all the wrong people but you’ll be just enough for the right one.
Hope this inspires some of you tossed further into yourself. Your healing, your life. I am currently still on my “dick-cleanse” (read about it a few posts back) and solitude has brought a lot of power, self knowledge and self worth.
I wish this feeling on all of you.
Till next time,
The raw, honest and hot headed — Stacey D.