I Want Magic

What is the use of money, good looks, charm, good sex, meeting someone with a good job, a house, everything that fulfills all your boxes but is missing the biggest and most important quality? I mean, really think about it — so many of us have written down the qualities we look for in a partner and personally — I can say I have found most of them in one person, several in others, and some who really didn’t have any at all.

The one that blows my mind the most is definitely the one who was “almost it”! The person who got so close to fulfilling all your boxes that I tried to convince yourself that this must be as good as it got. Sure they weren’t perfect but you were willing to overlook their flaws because 1) nobody is perfect and 2) time is ticking against you. The person who has the job, the house, the manners, the good sex, the everything so well put together that you were willing to overlook the way he’s doesn’t make you laugh, the way he doesn’t look at you like you’re gold. You’re willing to overlook the way he doesn’t hold you at night, the way he only has sex with your body and doesn’t appreciate you for the sexual goddess you are. Yes he looks good on paper and yes he fills all the boxes you have written down but does he appreciate the little things about you? Does he make you feel like magic when you close your eyes? Does he hold you and laugh when you try to fight him back? Does he feel like when he holds you he’s holding his whole world?

I can’t even begin to explain how many times I’ve walked away from good enough. Every time, good enough getting closer and closer to what I want. Every good enough different from the last. So I ask, is good enough worth letting go of the ideal magical love we all crave? How much bending will we have to do before we snap? How many times can we turn away from good enough before we turn into “this will do”? And will magic ever appear if we keep turning good enough away?

Life is crazy but love I can’t even begin to comprehend and it seems like the older I get, the more I realize that there isn’t any which way that love, life or none of us are supposed to be. Realizing you have no control while working towards your goals is one of the biggest oxymorons I have ever discovered. And to answer the question — is good enough, almost perfect worth letting go of cuddles, good love and magic? My answer is and will always be, no.

Fuck good enough, I want magic. No matter how many good enoughs it takes, how old I get or how long it takes. Magic is worth waiting for. And that is one of the few things I’m certain of.

Hoping you have some magic your way,

Stacey D.

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