Hello you guys! Such a pleasure writing to you after what feels like weeks of writer’s block.
Today I want to get into a very honest topic.
As many of you have read (and if you scroll down my other blogs you’ll see) I’ve been ghosted before. I written about a time when I dated a dude and suddenly he disappeared. Ugh. Such a shitty feeling when it’s being done to you. It feels like you’re not worth of an explanation, like you weren’t good enough. When in all reality — the other person was just not feeling you and as much of a shock as that may be to most of us — it’s allowed. People can actually not be into you and have it be ok. But let me not digress.
Like all things in the dating world, it doesn’t ever seem as bad as it is till it’s being done to you.
Like me? I’m allowed to ghost — but when I was being ghosted — HA!
Today I want to write about Needy. Needy is what we’ll call that one dude I briefly dated, ghosted, didn’t talk to for a year, hit up one day I was bored to kick it, only to ghost him all over again.
Before ya’ll read this — just remember — I know I’m horrible but this is a safe spaceeeeee so no judgement allowed! And if you gonna judge that’s fine but just remember we all do things we’re not proud of. I just happen to have a blog where I openly talk about this and you should probably stop reading…now.
So I met Needy one random night out at a bar. In all honesty he wasn’t even good looking or anything I would really go out of my way for. I was out with my friends for a girl’s night out when it was the end of the night. We had been dancing a long time in an overcrowded bar to hip hop music when suddenly the Spanish music comes on. Now, if anyone knows me ya’ll know I love Spanish music so me and my friends started dancing and hyping each other up. While we were dancing having a good time Needy appears in the crowd. He was this taller than average black dude who could dance so for the sake of having a good time and dancing to Suavemente with a partner I agreed to dance. I should’ve known it would never work the minute he had this stupid “oh I’m killing this dance” face and looking at me raising his eyebrows up and down. Lol. Ugh. Because I was over it and I wanted to go I told him I was leaving. He asked for my number and when I said I was fine, he was PERSISTENT. Now I never want to give any girl the idea that you should give in to a dude if he’s persistent enough but unfortunately because I was annoyed and I just wanted him off me — I did.
By giving him my number came an endless thread of loving, attentive messages. I think Needy had experience with girls who weren’t really into him because of who he was because as soon as he started texting me he was throwing out the big shots.
Early in dating he took me out to expensive restaurants, bought me nice things, paid for everything for me, made sure to keep me taken care of.
I could tell he had done this before by the way he seduced and romanticized me by throwing money around. Now though it seems as if he had been a loving, persuading attempt at a lover — please note that I constantly told him and reassured him I was not interested but he persisted anyway.
Thankfully, I’m not easily impressed by money so I never “fell in love” but I’d be a pendeja to not let myself feel taken care of and spoiled. Lol.
I “dated” Needy for a couple months. And when I put that in quotations I do it because I really can’t believe he never noticed that I only text him on weekends, that I’d never let him come in my house, never slept with him, I didn’t treat him like he was the only man alive.
Now, this is when it gets ugly and y’all are gonna judge. I had decided I was gonna end things with Needy long before I actually did and the thing that kept me around? A Drake concert. Ughhhh. I know! I know! What a bitch, right? Only stick around a guy waiting for a certain event to happen…but I mean can you blame me? Lol. Tell me y’all wouldn’t wait a couple weeks to have a good time??? No? Just me? Riiight…
I knew I didn’t like him, I knew I didn’t want to be with him but I did know I wanted to go see Drake. I mean, I knew he liked me but if you have to throw money at people when there’s clearly not a real connection, aren’t you really the one to blame?
When the concert came he tried to “take me home”. Me already knowing that was the last time I’d see him I said no and when he dropped me off at my house — that’s when the ghosting began.
You guys, I have never, ever, ever met someone as determined, hard headed or plain stubborn as Needy.
As my texts went from short to shorter to nonexistent he grew more and more loving, determined and attentive. He started dropping gifts off outside my house, calling me NONSTOP, writing paragraphs declaring his love, etc. Now I know everyone is gonna be like “awwww how cute!” But if a girl says no and you continue to be persistent and show up in random places when she’s clearly not interested it’s not cute. It’s a stalker.
This legitimately went out for about a year. Of course as time went on it faded slowly but surely until one fine summer day. I know. I know I’m horrible. But the only real excuse I have is — I was bored?
I could not believe he didn’t respond with a simple middle finger emoji. After a year of ghosting him I texted Needy. A simple “hi”.
That same weekend we were out for a movie and drinks. He told me he was so weirded out by me disappearing but he knew I’d always come back (Ha). He said he’d missed me and that he hadn’t met anyone else like me. How he wanted to take me to Costa Rica but he’d never heard back from me again. The list went on and on with this twisted Love story he had made up in his head about how we were cross star lovers who would always find their way to each other meanwhile I was sitting there like…”can I have another vodka tonic please….”
After that weekend I realized what a huge mistake it was to stir that pot again. His plans for our future kept pouring in as I sat there wondering if I was even in the same room when he fell in love with me?!
Again, because I can be a bitch and I had done it once before — I went ghost on him. I disappeared and have ignored all calls and texts since. When he noticed I wouldn’t pick up his calls anymore, he went on to start texting me and calling me from random numbers.
It sincerely blows my mind you guys. I am aware that I never said a straight on answer but isn’t a lack of message also a message? Wouldn’t you have a little pride after 50 ignored text messages? Can’t you be honest enough with yourself when you feel someone’s energy shift towards and away from you? How many times can you have someone deny you before you decide to walk away?
Will I ever be calling Needy ever again? Nope. I don’t think so. Ok I won’t. Even if I’m really bored. But when the tables turn and we’re the ones being ghosted, taken for granted or used for the things we bring — it is our responsibility to recognize the signs and listen to the vibes and energy these people are putting out. Yes. It happened to me. Once. Now whenever I feel someone starting to shift their energy away from me — I walk away because I love me more. More than being someone’s second option and more than begging someone to be with me.
Needy is not to blame for the way I acted towards him but he is to blame for allowing me to treat him like that and to keep coming back.
I could never, ever date a man who does not respect himself like that. I could never date someone who didn’t love themselves enough to walk away.
In all cases, where’s the fun if you won’t even make me beg for it.
Thank you guys so much for reading.
Expect more things and writings to come in November and since we’re here — Stacey D. clothing line dropping. If you’re reading this —stay tuned.
Lávense la cola y pónganle pomada a las ardidas. 😘