I often ask myself this question — I mean for real — I don’t mean to get all philosophical on you but have you ever truly thought about the fact that you are a thinking piece of flesh floating in the universe? It’s crazy to think about the things we think about, the things that are our main concerns, the things that pull strings at our hearts. It’s so crazy because we have such deep thoughts and emotions about it all that we actually feel like it matters. Personally, I think the craziest thing is when you become consciously aware of this and you can’t do anything but try to make some sense of it all.
Hello, my name is Stacey D., and in today’s blog entry I will try to make some sense of my being. And just to clarify — no I’m not high.
I have always known at the bottom of my soul I was meant for bigger things. I am confident, outspoken, clear, direct and a natural born leader. I enjoy seeing chaos and being part of the solution. I enjoy speaking publicly and I thrive when I’m in situations where others would crumble with nerves. I am aware of all these great qualities I was gifted with but I have never let them carry me or any of my relationships through life. With all the confidence that has been bred in me also comes humility.
I am often one of those people who always feels like I’m not doing enough. Am I as successful as I should be? Am I doing trying hard enough? How can I be better? How can I do more? This feeling often overwhelms me and leaves me feeling like I can do more but at the same time — like it can be too much. When I share these piece of my heart — I share them in hopes that someone, somewhere reading this — can relate. To show my people reading that even though we’re all so different, we are also in a way, the same. I believe to be my writing my truest form of self. On this blog, I am honest, open and raw for everyone to read and dissect as they need. Sure if you see my YouTube videos (youtube.com/boomfamfshow) you find me funny, you see me post sexy or workout pictures on Instagram and you find me hot, you probably see me talk shit on snapchat and think you know a lot about me. You see the things I want being seen but this blog — this little corner of the internet which is serving as a headway to my book, is where I share my all. Where you truly see pieces of my soul.
This blog has becomes in a sense my journal. I’m not sure how much of my life I’m supposed to share but I have decided to bear it all. To show my vulnerabilities, my insecurities and my honest thoughts. It has brought hundreds of DMs into my life where so many of you tell me your honest thoughts, opinions, points of view. I read them all, I feel them all and I come back giving you more.
Often I have been called “brave” for sharing so much of my life so bluntly. Though, I am honored — I can’t say that I agree. I am simply sharing my life and through that my passion. In times where I’ve asked myself what my purpose is, I often look back at the places where I’ve found passion. Because I love it al from feminism, to make up, working out, talking about feelings, being an entrepreneur, fashion, celebrity gossip, etc., it can often feel like I’m all over the place.
People often tell me I am “doing too much”, “working too hard”, “spreading myself thin” to which I say — I will work till my heart stops beating and chase the things I love because I am itching to leave pieces of me all over this world. I have a full time lash business, write a blog, do youtube videos, workout for 2-3 hours a day and I am still constantly looking for ways to give more. This feeling of want, of NEED in my heart keeps pushing me and pushing me and I’m not quite sure of what it wants. I believe in love, I believe in the Universe, I believe in God. Most importantly I believe that everything happens for a reason and that the Universe will force me, push me, shove me to where I am meant to go. I feel this hunger for more in my heart because deep down I know I am meant for more. I know I can handle more. I know I can do more.
So what is my purpose in life? Why am I pouring out my heart on a blog looking for answers as I type away? I wrote an entry in an old blog about this three years ago and when stumped with this question here’s what little 23-year-old Stacey D., had to say:
“Like I said before — I am no one special. My life will come and go just like many have before but, in the middle of birth and death, a great thing called life happens and that is the opportunity I, and everyone else in the world (including you reading this) have in order to find our purpose and make great things happen.
Maybe you don’t know what your purpose is. Maybe you have no idea where to even begin to look for it but I am a firm believer of the silent and consistent pull that will draw you towards whatever it is that is meant for you. There is a reason you are reading this and this is a sign from the universe to get up and make great things happen for yourself. Let yourself be drawn to your passion. Life will not fail you if you live it 100% with open eyes and an open heart.”
You guys…that shit brought me to tears. The Universe is a trippy thing making my past self write my future self some guidance.
As I’ve grown older heres what I’ve learned — life is but a dream and I’m glad to keep dreaming. I am confident that I will end up where I am supposed to be and I will do what I am meant to do. I will work at pursuing the things I love and with this — success, happiness and love will continue to flow into my life.
As I close my thoughts I want to say this: Readers and future Stacey D., reading this — I don’t know why God made you a strong, hungry, determined person but I am fucking glad that he did. You are meant for great things and that fire in your heart that you keep feeling is because you can do more. Do not settle into thinking you’ve done enough. KEEP WORKING. KEEP CREATING. KEEP MOVING. KEEP FUCKING DREAMING. That shit will not go unnoticed someday!
Here’s to chasing our dreams and making shit happen. No matter how scary it might be.
With all of my heart and this feeling of more,