Have you ever found yourself in the middle of an argument with a significant other when all of a sudden you’re wrestling them trying to get their phone out of their hand to see their messages? Or waiting for them to go in the shower so you can just have a peak? Following their every social media move to see what they’re liking? Counting the minutes they take to respond wondering why they’re taking so long when it hasn’t even been 3 seconds?
Hello my name is Stacey D., and I have (used to have) trust issues.
Ever since I was a little girl I’ve been possessive to say the least. Blame it on my Latina blood, my Aries characteristics or the fact that my dad cheated on my mom when I was 11-years-old. I know social media has made it cool to be the “crazy girlfriend” but trust me that shit is exhausting and I’ve decided to give it up.
I’ve done it all. Checked phones, followed my man, gotten physically and verbally abusive when things got heated (which I’m not proud of), keyed cars, reached out to people who I thought were being shady, etc. It is exhausting, degrading, silly and not up until I had someone be this way with ME did I realize how annoying it was.
I know I’m supposed to tell you to trust your boo and that if they’re with you it’s for a reason but as someone who has suffered from some serious case of “CRAZY” let me just say I’m here for you. I know you don’t like feeling this way. I know you want to trust and I know you want to feel secure in your relationship and it seems like no matter who you date those little insecurities are still there. So this blog is here for you. To help you realize that you’re not crazy and most importantly you’re not alone.
Let me just start by saying — if you clicked, swiped up or ended up reading this specific blog it’s for a reason. You must be crazy too. Welcome to the club, there’s like 800 of us. Times a million.
Now I will never say that I got it all figured out or that I have all the answers but there are some things I have done to help me with my crazy-girlfriend-problems that I will share with you guys so you can stop stalking that good for nothing, weak stroke, can’t text back dude you keep tripping on. So here we go.
HOW TO STOP BEING A CRAZY GIRLFRIEND
A STEP BY STEP GUIDE
- All insecurities start with you. There is nothing anyone else can say or do to make you feel valuable enough to not get cheated on. You guys this is a big one for me. It took me years, months, ages, failed relationships, tears and a whole lot of therapy to find out that I was worth being faithful to. I honestly don’t even know when or how I figured it out but once I really let it soak in and planted the belief in my head everything changed.
You are worth being faithful to. You deserve a loyal, honest love.
- If you gotta chase it that hard, is it really meant for you? Look — I’m stubborn, competitive, a go-getter, a fixer-upper, a loving soul who used to think everything had a happy ending. Until one day, when it was ALWAYS me trying to see my ex, calling him, making plans, fixing myself, striving to be perfect, giving him ALL my love and yet he still didn’t make me feel wanted enough did I realize that somethings I can’t control. You can’t make somebody love you. End of story. If you have to chase someone through every single part of town, you have to make sure they’re not messaging other people, sleeping with other people, disrespecting you and your relationship — is that relationship truly meant to be? Is that the relationship you want? Is that the man you deserve? Hint: Nah sis. Move on.
- I don’t know what you, reading this believes in but I myself believe in some sort of morphed version of God, The Universe, Fate and Chance. But along that magical belief that keeps me going every day — I believe that whatever is meant for me will not miss me no matter how out of the way I might be. I have to believe that all the times I felt crazy, the times I got into screaming arguments and physical fights with my significant others led to the person I am today. And the person I am today does not deserve to be crazy her whole life. I cannot and will not be in a relationship with someone I don’t trust. I have before and I love me more than that. You should too.
- Not because my dad cheated does it mean that every man will. Woah. Powerful, right? I don’t think my dad even thought about the major royal fuck up he was getting into, let alone how he would fuck up his oldest daughter for years to come. It took me a long time to understand that every man/person I date is not my father and not because my dad didn’t love my mother/me enough to stay faithful does it mean that every person won’t too. I can’t say that I’ve truly forgiven my dad but I can say that it helps to always remember: I didn’t get to choose my father, but I do get to choose my partner and I will not settle for someone who doesn’t see the value in being faithful to me.
- You can’t control what other people do. You can only control what you do. You can do everything in the world to help yourself from being cheated on. You can follow your dude, stalk him, set up fake profiles to see if he bites, log into his apple ID to see his location through find my iPhone, check his phone, message every single girl you think he’s talking to, be perfect, be great in bed, cook, clean, raise his children, wash his feet, kiss his wounds, etc., and none of this guarantees that he will be faithful. It is such a harsh, hard-to-swallow truth but it’s true. The power of the lesson here is realizing that someone cheating on you has nothing to do with you. You are worth staying faithful to but if a man can’t see the value in you, that is not your fault. Forgive yourself for choosing an idiot as a partner and move on. Key word being MOVE ON. Not everybody cheats.
We as people don’t have control over others, we only have control over ourselves. I can’t count how many times I’ve cried because I had to end a relationship because I wasn’t being loved how I deserve to be loved but I can count how many times I’ve been cheated on. NONE. Lol and if we dated and you cheated and I never found out — keep it to yourself. I hope your dick falls out. Point is — it’s not easy to let go of someone because they’re not giving you what you deserve but personally I find it even harder to stay in a relationship where I’m constantly worrying and stressing about which way my dude might look next.
To quote the great Keysha Cole — “now I get it if he don’t wanna, love you the right way he ain’t gonna, it ain’t where he’s at it’s where he wanna be.” Shit. If that don’t make you wanna dump and leave and make you work on loving yourself more to wait for someone who wants to be faithful to you, I don’t know what will. Love yourself, girl. You deserve it.
As always, I leave you guys with my soul poured out. Here’s to making sure we ain’t crazy anymore, to making sure we love ourselves to dump any fool who makes us feel like we ain’t enough, to realizing we’re worth being faithful to.
Thank you so much for reading, keep working on yourself, keep loving on yourself, keep demanding more. Because you deserve it and it’s out there.
Los quiero mucho y lávense la cola,